Now we got a title too! Enjoy it, people! It is, by the way, a song title belonging Spice Girls, the love of my pre-teens. The song itself doesn't have anything to do with this story, but I couldn't come up with anything else to name it, and... well, it IS a bit weird... but that is what hours of listening to "Disney's greatest hits" and Ginger, Posh, Scary, Sporty and Baby (I was in a nostalgic mood, okay?!) instead of doing homework in Norwegian/other suitable native language does to your brain...
Ash was busy wondering what was for dinner when he felt somebody lightly yank his arm, and turned to his left to face Gary. He was quite surprised when Gary interrupted his mental preparing for listening to his latest deeds with placing a hand over his lips and hold him back as the others walked on without noticing it. When they were out of hearing range he removed the hand from Ash's mouth.
"I need to talk to you." He said mutely and looked once more at the back of their friends in front of them.
"About what?" this didn't seem like the bragging he had waited for ever since they ran into Gary... well, had waited for and then forgotten for more interesting things. This seemed like a good time to tell about his latest deeds before Gary did, but before he got to start his rival spoke again.
"My grandfather... and your mother."
Ash looked blankly at him.
"She loves me!"
"She's a lesbian."
"You're just jealous." Brock snorted, somehow forgetting the fact that Tracey currently was the one holding hands with a girl.
"Brock, I'm sure even Ash noticed the two of them had to have something going on." he replied. May watched interested.
"Who had something going on?"
"Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy." Misty sighed.
"Unless you noticed, they Jenny had her arm around Joy in a rather unnecessary way when they told us about the Pokèmon Center..."
"AND Police Station." Brock pointed out, "And that doesn't have anything to say. She loves me!"
"Misty! You are a girl yourself! Tell him that you girls do stuff like that! I've seen you..."
"Yes, girls do it. To their GIRLFRIENDS!"
Brock stopped and stared at her, and then he sped up, walking past the other ones.
"Well, if you don't like the fact that girls finally are realizing that I am the dream man you can as well..." the rest lapsed into annoyed mumbling, and Tracey looked a bit worried.
"Maybe we should just let him think she actually..." he started.
"Oh, he'll get over it." Misty looked over her shoulder to discover that Ash and Gary had started the obligatory fight fifty meters behind them.
"So anyway..." her voice drifted off as she realized that her friend had used the opportunity to wrap his arm around May's shoulders, and her face set into a nasty scowl as she glared at the older girl.
"They do WHAT?!" Ash's brain was at the moment occupied with trying to sort out what Gary just had told him and didn't notice that his voice grew two octaves at the end of the 'what'. Gary silently nodded, and Ash stared at him, eyes wide open and mouth opening and closing like a Magikarp, "But she's.... and he's... it's like... but..."
"I know that!"
"He is... doing things with Mrs. Ketchum?" he asked weakly, looking pleadingly at Tracey.
"Yes, he is. I honestly thought you'd notice after last night."
"I thought they were..."
"Were what? Trying to move the couch with their teeth?"
"Tracey told me."
The thought of his mother doing things with Professor Oak was way too much for Ash's mind to consume at the moment, and he tried to focus on the fact that Tracey had told something like that to Gary before to himself... but... he groaned.
"I am sure, Ash. I've been keeping and eye on things for the last week here..." he paused and looked at Ash, "And I am sure. They are doing it."
Ash tried to imagine his mother... married... married to Professor Oak... married to Professor Oak, living in his house, making him dinner, maybe getting a baby, and then he'd have a little brother... but Ash was about to turn fourteen and that was way too old for getting any little brother, and Professor Oak had children... grown-up children... and then Gary would be the uncle of Ash's little brother... no, Ash's little brother would be Gary's uncle...
"We have to stop this." He said, almost scared over how calm his voice sounded. Gary nodded.
"That was what I wanted. I don't..." he bit his tongue for almost saying that he didn't want to do it alone, "Tracey didn't really want to help me, he said that was a matter of theirs, not him, and May won't believe me when I say it..."
"...and I really don't think Misty or Brock are going to like this either..."
Elsewhere, James was busy wiping makeup away from his face.
Officer Jenny was not his favorite part to play. Especially not when it involved "getting under the skin of the eyeless twerp, make the rest of them trust you and then swipe Pikachu". James tended to like it better with those primitive yet often successive plans involving nets, pit-traps, rubber ball bazookas and electric proofed glass jars... not getting close to desperate, hormonal teenager boys.
The worst part was his hair. The overuse of hairspray and other styling products were usually left for his partner to do, but when being the police woman, it was necessary to have the familiar spiky hairdo... he just didn't understand how Jesse survived having the hair she had.
When he at last emerged from the bathroom he found her laying on the sofa, her head rested comfortably on one of her hands as the other one clicked the remote.
"James, "she said when she saw him, "This will be our chance to power, money and eternal happiness."
When he didn't reply she kicked his leg and sat up beside him, "And you don't need to sulk. He absolutely LOVED you!" she gleefully told him, but the only reply she got was:
"If that had been certain others I wouldn't have minded at all..."
James glared at her.
"It is unfair! I don't want to seduce the horny guy!"
"That isn't seduction! It's just..."
"It's seduction!" he snapped back and sunk lower in his seat.
"Well so if it is? It'll gain us Pikachu!"
"Then why can't YOU do it?"
"You make a better woman."
"You really think so?" James quickly remembered what he was supposed to be complaining and stopped the smile from growing too wide, "And it's still unfair and I don't want to..."
"You DO want Pikachu, don't you?" his partner asked him sweetly, and he nodded eagerly.
"THEN FOLLOW THE PLAN!"
He cringed and looked meekly up at her.
She glared, and he snatched the remote from her and turned over the channel, with the only result to be pushed to the floor as she jumped on him.
After five minutes of rolling around on the floor and the only result of messing their hair up James glanced up to discover that the item of rivalry was in the possession of their third teammate, who was seated on the top of a bookshelf with the remote between his legs, happily watching "Bonanza".
Jesse sat up as well, and walked over and delivered a swift kick to the furniture, sending both Meowth, the remote and a mini bust of Giovanni crashing to the floor.
Delia giggled and handed Professor Oak his plate over the table, and then gave everybody else a motherly smile as she served them too.
"Now, I hope you'll all enjoy it... It was Samuel here that made it, so I am sure it is delicious." She said and winked.
"Oh Delia..." Professor Oak said with modesty, "You gave me all my instructions."
And then they ate.
And Misty, Brock, Tracey, May and Pikachu ate as well.
And Ash and Gary merely stuck their forks into their food and exchanged a desperate look.
Ash's mother had never referred to Professor Oak as Samuel before... heck, Ash didn't even know he had a first name...