On the road again #1
Disclaimer: I don't owe any Teletubbies, I don't owe any pokèmon people, I don't owe any Digimon people and I don't owe any Friends people either.
This will scar you if you are a fan of the Teletubbies... and probably of everybody else too.
Tinky-Winky kicked a stone and watched it bounce a few meters away before it trailed of the road and disappeared in the grass, then stuck his small hands into his invisible pockets and kicked one more.
Stupid La-La... she didn't know what it felt like at all, telling Po all those horrible things about him. So what, he did occasionally surf the internet for gay porn, or perhaps he stumbled into something more interesting... still!
His pout grew bigger as he thought about Dipsy. He hadn't needed to slap him and call him perverted... it only was a suggestion, after all...
"Hell, I can't do anything with the fact that I'm gay!" he exclaimed and sat down in the dirt sobbing, "Nobody loves me... not even the bunnies!" he cried, but composed himself when he saw three figures approaching him. When they came closer he noticed that all of them looked just as depressed as he felt, and sniffling one last time he got to his feet running toward them.
"...I mean, I though Ash hated that girl, and now he's all over her!" one of them complained, his companions rolling their eyes.
"Duh." Replied the one with blue hair.
"You didn't spend all your time with them for a year." Said the other one and pushed his bandana up again, "But Professor Oak! I thought I had a chance..." he continued.
"He has a grandson, if you haven't noticed." The first one snapped.
"And Delia Ketchum is practically living over there when me and Ash are on our journeys." He continued, "AND, what I find nauseating, is that you're 16 and he's 66!"
"You're just sulking because your grandmother died."
"According to my analysis, this is some sort of screwed up Oedipus complex. Normally you should be jealous at your dad for your mum, but since you're gay you instead take it out on your grandmother for your grandfather..."
"You are gay too?" Tinky-Winky exclaimed, eyes getting wobbly. The three stopped and looked at him.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Tinky-Winky..." he sang, expecting the well - known "Dipsy" to follow. It didn't.
"Look, are you gay or not?" The purple TV - stomached thingie snapped.
"Yeah." Said the one with blue hair.
"Damn right." Agreed the one with the bandana and the sketchpad.
"We are." Concluded the one with the purple sweater and haircut that looked like it was from the 1980s.
The three of them looked at each other, and broke down crying in each others arms.
"My love is straight!" the wailed at once. Tinky-Winky sweatdropped, then decided to do a good deed.
"Big hug!" he exclaimed and tried to embrace them with his short chubby arms, failing miserably. He tried a few more times, but when promptly ignored he instead took the opportunity to swipe the laptop one of them had brought. He was just about to go to one of his favorite hentai sites when he instead happened to stumbled into another website.
"You blue-haired dude?" he asked and peered down at the pictures he found.
"Yeah?" James sniffled and blew his nose in Tracey's T-shirt.
"You sure you are gay? It kinda doesn't look like it here..." James instantly crawled over to him, and then screamed.
"Waaaah! That's me and Jessie.... AAAAH!" he yelled and fell to his knees.
"You're just kissing..." Tracey said.
"But I'm gay!"
Tinky-Winky continued to another part of the site.
"Who's this redhaired brat?" Tracey came over to him.
"Oh that's Misty... hey wait a sec!" he pushed Tinky-Winky away and clicked on one of the image.
"That's me and her!" he screamed and threw himself backwards, holding his hands in front of his eyes.
"And that's ME and her!" Gary exclaimed and followed suit. Tinky-Winky continued.
"Wow what kind of slut is this Misty anyway? Gee she's with all three of you, and this kid with black hair and little 'z' on his cheeks and this dude with no eyes and with the other girl with the screwed haircut, wow!"
James, Tracey and Gary who by now was considerably emotionally scarred got to their feet again and looked sadly down at the corrupted little thing who by now had gotten deep into the yaoi section.
"I just hope Sesame Street wont get mixed into this too..." Gary sighed. Just then three boys, one with huge brown hair and swim goggles, the other with a green suit and brown hair and the last one with dark blue hair and light gray clothes came walking down the road. James, Tracey and Gary fell over.
"This is so sad..." Groaned James from under the other two.
"Hey! Are you gay too?" Tinky-Winky cheerfully asked Tai, Izzy and Ken as they studied the scenario in front of them.
"Nah." Tai shrugged.
"The author just figured the other day."
"But didn't you marry that Yolei girl?" Tracey asked Ken and crawled of Gary's back.
"Look, I think it's more important that the author figured the three of us were gay than if I marry her or not!" he snapped back.
"But if you're gay, how come you'll marry her?"
Ken looked at the horizon.
"The author is obsessed with homosexuality. She has figured that half the pokèmon cast is either gay or bi and if it hadn't been for her not knowing Digimon very well probably would have figured with us too..." he said at last.
"So you aren't gay?" Tinky-Winky said disappointed.
"Well... we're not sure about Izzy here, but other than that, no."
Tinky-Winky exhaled a cloud, but then got a hopeful expression again.
"Hey, you said she figured half the pokèmon cast were gay? Tell who!"
"You asked for it... well, Ash, Brock, Jessie and Cassidy are all bi according to her."
"Ash is bi?" Gary hopefully asked.
"Bi in Misty-direction."
Just then another one stopped and looked at them.
"Let me guess... you are gay too?" James asked him.
"Yeah." Chandler replied.
"This is getting too weird." Tai said, "Aren't you the author's favorite character?"
"So are James, Tracey and Ken."
"We are?" all the them asked and got those wobbly eyes. Nobody else said anything.
"So we are all gay here?" Tinky-Winky asked after a while and clasped his hands together, "So what do we say we go watch some shounen-ai?" All the other ones took a step away from him.
Gary, Tracey, James, Tai, Ken, Izzy and Chandler all glared at him.
"THAT WE ARE GAY DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE PERVERTS!" They shouted at once and took of the way they came from.
"Wait, guys! We can play strip poker!" he screamed and ran after them, but his short legs didn't have a chance, "What about truth or dare?" nobody even turned, "Spin the bottle?" He stopped and looked after them until they disappeared into the horizon, and then turned and looked at the laptop still in the road.
"Oh, screw it." he muttered and turned back, and then picked up the laptop.
Later Tinky-Winky hacked into Bill Gate's computer, got filthy rich, bought Microsoft and took over the world as James, Tracey, Tai, Chandler, Izzy, Gary and Ken sat crying their eyes out because the author never could stay away from things containing caffeine, sugar and creepy chemicals.